Removing the Headphone Jack

1999

I wasn't happy the day we left Oxford and headed to London. "We're returning home", my parents told me. "But Oxford is my home", I objected. I didn't have much say in the matter, which felt unfair. Four-year-olds tend to have an inflated sense of importance due to their slight deficiencies in experience, wisdom, and just about every other possible metric that contributes to rational thought. When we arrived at Heathrow, we boarded a Virgin Atlantic flight to head back to San Antonio, Texas to go "home".

On the flight, I settled down when I was given an ice cream sandwich. This "moving" thing had its perks. I quickly became bored and needed something to entertain me. Naturally, I was drawn to the screen on the back of the seat in front of me. With a few uncoordinated jabs at the headrest that gave its occupant a sense of dread at the child behind him, I failed to accomplish anything. My mom was there to save the day and dislodged the controller in my armrest. She performed some magic, and the screen in front of me flashed a word that I have loved to this day: Nintendo. I was playing SNES. Or maybe it was N64. It doesn't matter¹. I was introduced to Mario.

2001

After my first encounter with Nintendo, there had been some positive and negative developments in my life. For the negatives, my parents informed me that our family was moving to Brownsville, Texas. "Mum, Brownsville sounds dreary. Why would we move there?", I asked. "It won't be dreary, Winston. And where did you learn that word?", she responded. Brownsville certainly felt like a downgrade from Oxford, yet there was the aforementioned positive. By that time, I had acquired, first, a blue Game Boy Pocket and then an atomic purple Game Boy Color. Life was good. I owned my first two video games ever on my Pocket: Game & Watch Gallery and Super Mario Land. When I got my Game Boy Color, I acquired Pokemon Gold and seldom played the previous two games. Yet they still worked on the Game Boy Color because they were the same shape, which was obvious to my six-year-old logic.

For Christmas of 2001, I was even more spoiled. My wonderful aunt purchased a Game Boy Advance for me. But there was a problem. I didn't have any Game Boy Advance games! And even worse, the Game Boy Advance cartridges were a different shape than the Game Boy Color cartridges. In desperation, I slotted Pokemon Gold into the Game Boy Advance. It booted up. My saves were still there. The games for the old system worked on the new system. The Game Boy Advance itself took the AA batteries from my Game Boy Color. I didn't really use headphones at the time because they're a bizarre concept for a child that can't comprehend being quiet or respectful, but both systems had the port to plug a set into if desired.

2006

As the years went on, I acquired my first iPod; a white iPod Nano. My iPod came with a matching set of white earbuds that plugged into the bottom. I couldn't afford any songs, but The Gap had a promotion for a free iTunes song if you tried on a pair of jeans. So I tried on a pair of jeans, said they didn't work out, and collected my free song on the way back home. I already had CDs for The Beatles and my other favorite classic rock groups. Having the foresight to know that CD players would last forever, I opted to take my music in a new direction. I downloaded Run D.M.C.'s It's Tricky, which was the main song from my favorite video game during the previous five years, SSX Tricky. When I got tired of listening to my most played song of all-time², I would unplug the earbuds from my iPod and plug them into my Nintendo DS to play some Fire Emblem. However, the iPod and DS used special charging cables. Worse, my cheap flip-phone had a third type of charging cable, so now I had a drawer of tangled messes. This wasn't a welcome change.

2008

I somehow convinced my parents to buy me an iPhone. I'm not really sure how I managed to pull that off, but I think it was a combo of annoying begging and somewhat convincing them that it was the future. I unboxed the phone, plugged in the charging cable from my iPod nano to sync my preexisting iTunes library, and then plugged in my old earbuds into the phone's headphone jack to listen to my music. The interface changed, but my preexisting library and my peripherals continued to work.

2016

Apple removed the headphone jack from the iPhone.

2024

I spent the day settling into my new work setup at an apartment I'm subletting. I couldn't figure out how to pair the Apple Magic trackpad here to a second computer. I tried unpairing it from the Bluetooth settings on the first device, but it wouldn't connect to the new one. Fortunately, I brought a separate Bluetooth mouse.

I'll connect my mouse and charge the Apple trackpad in the meantime. Wait... does the trackpad use a different charging cable than my other devices? It does. Lightning. OK, let me dig out that cable. Time for the keyboard. It looks like this uses a USB-C cable, so let me get one of those and plug it into my computer. Perfect...wait why isn't it typing? OK, a search online shows the cable is only for charging, and the keyboard can only connect via Bluetooth. How do I put the keyboard in pairing mode? Oh, and I need to pair my Bluetooth headphones. Wait, those are out of battery too. Let me charge them. Shoot, the trackpad is already charging with the lightning cable! Oh forget it. I'm just going to use my laptop's built in peripherals.

Time to connect to a Zoom meeting. I need to be logged in to join the meeting. Let me login to my password manager first. OK, that's filled in. Oh yeah, I need to grab my phone to get the two factor authentication code. I hope that's charged. OK, I'm finally in the meeting! Hmm my camera's aspect ratio is cropped into a square. Are other people noticing that and thinking I'm "square guy"? Maybe if I download the desktop app it will fix that. It did! Now I'm a rectangle, which I guess I was before too.

"Sure, let me share my screen with y'all to show a demo." What's this error about not having the correct operating system to share my screen despite having the operating system it says I need to have to share my screen? I guess it's back to the web version of Zoom. Now screen sharing works. Is my screen a square ratio too? No, that's normal - thank goodness. Time for someone else to share their screen and demo an audio project. "No I can't hear any audio from your computer. I think you need to stop sharing your screen, tick the little box that says 'Share audio', then share your screen again." Done with the meeting.

I'm tired of dealing with technology today. Let's play a game on my Nintendo Switch³. It doesn't have Bluetooth audio, so I'll have to grab my old iPod earbuds and plug them into the headphone jack. Wait, I think they did release an update that added Bluetooth audio. Oh yeah, my headphones are dead and are second in the charging queue for the lightning cable. Well, the Switch has to perform a system update before I can play my new game anyway. At least I can read a book on my Kobo while that's happening. Oh, that wants to perform an update too. I guess I should update it because I put off updating it last time. I could listen to my favorite album on Spotify through my phone speakers while I wait for the Kobo to update while I wait for the Switch to update. The album has been removed.

I miss my Game Boy⁴.